So I retract my previous blog statement about finally finding a water-based lube that doesn’t irritate me. Maybe it’s because I only used a little of it once or twice without issue but right now I am typing with an angry yeast infection and its best friend, Diflucan-induced diarrhea. My partner and I had what felt like a 3 hour kink-a-thon yesterday and copious amounts of lube were used. We tried the water-based lube as the toys got larger, but when it came to fisting, we went back to good old coconut oil as the lube was starting to burn. Between gentle fingers and soothing coconut oil, I felt much better until later in the evening when the itch began. It’s just as well…I don’t know why I felt I needed to stray from coconut oil, maybe the sheer determination of finally finding my perfect water-based lube. If only I had enough money to invest, I’d totally just create my own. No aloe, no glycerin or parabens, no citric acid, no propylene glycol, just basic BASIC shit. And if that means it dries up quickly, so be it. I recently started using these baby wipes that are literally just water and cloth…my nethers have never been happier. I’ve also had a bidet on my wish list for a few years, but Jersey winters would make that water shockingly cold on my butthole and the hot water option is much more expensive and difficult to hook up. Anyway, ramblings as I was up on a Tuesday morning, glancing longingly at my coffee knowing it’ll just cause further diarrhea. Basta.
Last night was, unf. While Mike and I have always had our kinks, last night was sort of a “no-holds barred,” “try anything” situation. Spitting in each other’s mouths, biting, choking, jerking off each other and cumming on each other, the whole thing was just bliss. I’ve never really been topped by Mike before, and although I am switchy, it was such an out-of-body experience. Like, not just my usual subspace (although is there ever a “usual” subspace?) but a subspace where I was kind of co-topping myself WITH him. I don’t know if that makes any sense. It just started as one of those clean slate nights, sort of “I’m going to close my eyes and I want you to choose one toy that vibrates and one that penetrates,” and letting him do the rest. I was so tickled that he immediately went for the Tails and Portholes Leviathan…something in him must have known I wanted to be stretched out. But the Leviathan was squishy and cumbersome for him to thrust, so he went for the NS Novelties Rainbow Pride dildo. This was definitely an improvement, as well as the Prism he gave me for vibration. But I kept wanting bigger and bigger, finally realizing I didn’t want a dildo at all. I didn’t want vibrations. I wanted his hand. So fisting away we went, fisting led to fucking…there were so many orgasms for both of us I can’t even count. Again, a total primal subspace. I squirted with the Prism, then squirted on him with the Vanity Vr6, lapped that up, and we just kept going.
The night was wild, and again, we have our kinks, but this pushed it ever-so-slightly out of his comfort zone and I am very grateful for his consent and enthusiasm. When he went to go clean the toys (I don’t know why but I find it so endearing when he does that), I snuck a stainless steel gemmed butt plug in between my cheeks before we hopped in the shower. It was a great surprise when I told him that he forgot to clean one last toy and just pulled it out. His face lit up and he just smiled this gleeful smile, like I’d just played the most adorable yet sexy prank he’s ever seen. I love that he’s always willing to try new things and keeps such an open mind about our sexualities and identities. I love that we continually discover new shit we like but don’t pressure every sexual interaction to be an epic journey…
I think we appreciate all the connections made during sex. Speaking for myself, they don’t really fit into rankings, they’re all just different…but when we have sessions like last night, there’s just a sense of complete fearlessness unlike anything I’ve experienced at even my kinkiest play parties. I don’t need marks for good impact, I don’t need my hair pulled to control my movement. Time and time again I’ve been told my kink is through energy-exchange (grow up with an ancestry of witches and who’s surprised?), and Mike is very similar. I like our kink a lot. It’s very unique to our chemistry and filled with love. In a time where it feels like the world keeps giving up on folks, it’s nice to know we haven’t given up on each other. And that extends from the simplest gestures of a morning kiss to the depths of soiled sheets and pruned fingertips.