I’ve been fascinated with food-inspired sex toys ever since I saw Epiphora’s color-changing corn dildo from Self-Delve in Germany. Some of my toys were already food-themed i.e. Damn Average’s Valentine’s Day Chocolate Lumpy and Funkit’s Almond-Pumpkin-Carrot creation. I’m super glad more companies are getting foodie, albeit bitter-sweetly nostalgic. I’m hopeful that I can now amend any mistakes I made as a know-nothing teenager using food really inappropriately for penetrative purposes. I remember an adolescence where my front hole was a chamber of culinary experiments, eventually learning from a very young age that no, candy canes don’t go there nor do empty Corona bottles.
If you’re cringing, there’s definitely good reason. Young me could DIY my own vibrations from the shower-head to a Squiggle Pen, but I could never find anything appropriately penetrative. The internet was just barely in AOL-56k-Chatroom-cybersex mode and my sex ed wasn’t pleasure-based, so any tips on condoming a cucumber just didn’t exist (I’ll always think of Ducky Doolitte’s “Not In Your Butt” video when it comes to using veggies for penetration).
I’m also a devoted splosher, a kid who orchestrated epic food fights and one day dreamed of being saran wrapped under piles of loaded nachos. Food and sex have always been like peas and carrots to me, whether that cake scene with the Merovingian in Matrix Reloaded or the melting Popsicle scene in A Clockwork Orange. When something goes smoothly into my butt, I tend to say I “ate” it. I’m not really surprised that I’ve taken a new fascination with foodie sex toys. That strawberry butt plug from Lovecrafters Toys may be getting purchased soon.
2017’s Black Friday was spent buying a ton of sex toys which I have yet to review, but I wanted to get around to GespentsFantasy Gear’s Farmer’s Delight as soon as possible because it’s such a unique dildo. The soft and squishy density is unlike the medium firmness of Self-Delve’s corn; the Farmer’s Delight is now officially the softest dildo I down. It flops around so much I could easily use it for a pack-n-play, and the base still has enough firmness that it stays put in an o-ring. Lately I’ve learned to throw out all my expectations when it comes to new toys, so when I saw how soft and deeply textured each bump was, I kept curious instead of doubtful. I think this needs to be my new approach to toy testing, to be completely honest.
The Farmer’s Delight felt amazing, every piece of corn distinctly rubbing against my insides, long enough for the pointed tip to reach my A-Spot and girthy enough to fill me without collapsing in on itself. Gespent’s signature is lightly etched into the base, and the way he hand-molds his work gives the corn such a unique feel. It’s not perfectly uniform in shape, it flops to one side when stood up, and even the tip is organically uneven. Which feels really appropriate considering this dildo is meant to look like corn, and while there is symmetry in nature, nothing is ever perfect. The corn aesthetic is truly spot-on.
Its squish makes cleaning super easy; I can stretch and bend this dildo in any way I wish to get soap and water into and out of each crevice. Boiling is also great because the corn can bend to fit in smaller pots. My partner said it was easy to use on me and that the base and texture gave him enough grip no matter how slick things got. Despite being tacky to the touch, the Farmer’s Delight doesn’t collect dust as much as some of my other squishies like BS Atelier’s Bingo or the Vixen Tristan 1. Its vibrant yellow makes it a wonderful addition to my rainbow of sex toys and I’m overall really pleased with this purchase.