sex toys Archives - Page 5 of 5

A regrettable purchase finally meets its end (now with butt puns)!

June 4, 2016 palimpsex review, science!, sex toys, sexuality, storytelling

Good lord. So I had this toy:

It’s a California Exotics Art Deco Jelly Butt Plug. I am deliberately not linking to it. I bought this toy in September 2008, the first week my employee discount ever went into effect at the adult store. We hadn’t really started stocking much glass or silicone at this point, and I would like to blame my purchase on a combination of that, not “knowing any better,” and this plug being the closest thing to glass “aesthetics-wise.” It was also beyond anything my ass could handle in my early butt play years, so it stayed unused for many moons (I liiiiive for ass puns) before I was able to use it comfortably.

Even now, it’s still not a toy that works well with my ass. Its width stays too wide for far too long. I’d rather have a plug with a brief moment of wide girth before it tapers back down to something tolerable that my butt can hold onto. But I kept this plug, if for no other reason than it still looked really pretty, so long as you didn’t touch it or look at up close to realize it was jelly (it never had a chemical smell to it, and the texture, though rubbery, was not sticky or tacky at all). As years went by, I had decreasing room for this plug in my arsenal, and considered throwing it away except that my one partner really liked it and insisted they didn’t care about the debatable material. That was until last night, when I got home from my second partner’s burlesque competition at 4 am only to discover the plug in a tupperware container full of soapy water at the bottom of our shower with a post it note, like some sort of crime scene. On the post it note was an apology:

“I washed this 5 TIMES and it still smells bad 🙁 Hope you made the best of your night. Love, Partner.” (I should mention I later confirmed my suspicions, that the “smell” was of anal descent, not the material itself. Lilly has some good tips for ridding your butt toys of lingering odors, but this was beyond hope.)

Cackling, I left the aberration in its watery prison and forwarded a video of the hilarity to the third partner in our poly family, asking them what the fate of said plug should be:

Judge, Jury, and Executioner of Bad Butt Plugs — Sorry to the twitching recyclers: since we live in the middle of nowhere we have to burn most of our cardboard.

Knowing full well how jelly goes up in flames like a dried out Christmas tree, I was ready with camera in hand. I had hoped for effects akin to Lilly torching that Screaming-O cock ring, and I was NOT disappointed.

So rest in peace, stinky jelly toy. As Lao Tzu once said, “The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long.” I’m pretty sure that was never meant to be applied to a CalExotics Art Deco butt plug, but it works.

Review of New York Toy Collective’s Shilo

May 31, 2016 palimpsex sex toys, sexuality, storytelling, trans*

Confession: I have been procrastinating on my culminating paper of the semester for a month now. I was graciously given three extensions on the thing and I still would rather write here than punch out the last two pages of it. Once it’s done, my semester is over, but here I am, delaying my release from academia by crafting a review. It makes me wonder whether this is really procrastination or academic edgeplay. /endrant

Once upon a time (yes, I am going to be that blogger), a much more social (but still awkward) Avery used to frequent the New York kink scene on a monthly basis, the favorite of which was an awesome event called Myth. Myth is a super inclusive and sex positive kink event that has had brilliant incarnations: outdoors retreats, sexy dungeons, even Webster Hall! Myth has collaborated with amazing artists and had creative themes such as Star Trek and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Myth was the only event in NYC where I felt comfortable being a gender non-conforming Creeper (literal Creeper, as in Minecraft cosplay). Actual creeping may have ensued, always with consent.

creeper minecraft rice krispie treats — My first and only attempt making Rice Krispies treats for Myth: FiM

Myth was also the first introduction I had to New York Toy Collective‘s wonderful products. I distinctly remember shyly shuffling up to the NYTC table and being greeted enthusiastically with candy. I remember squishing their Love Bumps and marveling at the optional hole for a bullet vibe.

Webster Hall Marquee — Seeing this on the Marquee made me almost wet myself.

Most of all, I remember the first time I saw a Shilo, thinking “There is no way that is an actual functioning pack-and-play. Truly functional pack-and-plays don’t exist, and I’m not going to risk $150 on wishful thinking that it might really work.”

I figured yeah, it’s posable, but how long can it possibly hold its shape? Sure, it’s squishy but will it actually withstand repeated boiling? Can I actually fuck with this thing? Answers: 1.) forever, 2.) yes, and 3.) oh my god YES. For four years I drooled over the beaming blog reviews of the Shilo before I finally came to my senses and bought one at Kink Shoppe last fall. Blue and pink tye-dye, no less. (How’s THAT for genderfuckery?)

Shilo dildo — Gaze upon my cock in all its arboreal glory!

My years of packing with a Cyberskin Mr. Limpy were over. No more cornstarch dustings and flaccid blowjobs (although it was admittedly arousing to watch my partner tongue my balls). No more clumsily switching to a dildo when I’m ready to have sex. I also love that the Shilo gives me significant bulge, as it doesn’t bend sharply down during packing…it makes more of a “J” shape sticking out from my pubic bone. When my partners grab my junk, they can feel how hard I am. My favorite thing about the Shilo is how nicely it fits through the hole of my boxer briefs when I fuck. I don’t need a harness, though for more vigorous penetration I could certainly use one.
The Shilo makes packing so much easier. I don’t even use a packing strap, though again, I could if I wanted to. The ease of use makes it feel that much more a part of me. Even the color, though not skin toned, feels more organic to my sexual being. When I fuck it, the cushy silicone feels incredibly real and the head has just enough pronunciation to stimulate my g-spot (it’s also a mindfuck to have sex with my own dick). And when I fuck with it, I can feel it slide in and out of my partners. ::heavy breathing:: ANYWAY, the Shilo and everything it represents to my identity in terms of body safety, functionality, appearance, and accessibility has earned it the first review in my blog. I tried using it for pegging recently with limited success… one of my partners said that despite the softness of the silicone, the Shilo’s head is just too big in comparison to the shaft, and once fully inserted, their tight butthole tensed so much that they didn’t notice the softness anymore. They are nudging me as I type this, insisting that they would still like to have one more go at it, so I will keep you updated.

My partner and I decided go to on a little hike today and I couldn’t resist getting nature shots of my Shilo (Action Packer, ENGAGE!). A fisherman totally walked by us photographing it in a stream and while I briefly scrambled to put it away, I thought to myself “You know what? Even if he saw what this was, I am so fucking proud of my packer.” So there you have it..my love for the Shilo: a pack-and-play so awesome that I’d show it to an anonymous fisherman (again, with consent).