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The MEO Disaster

November 2, 2016 palimpsex science!, sex toys

Disclaimer: I am not including ANY links to MEO’s website as I do not want to give them any traffic.

I had my hesitations about MEO, I did. So many things seemed very wrong about this company, from their marketing, to the toys they stocked, to their incessant email spamming. I found it abhorrent that they would make knockoffs of nJoy’s long-existing products, but was also really curious as to why they were so much cheaper. So on a whim, being that I’m unaffiliated, unpaid, and thought I had nothing to lose, messaged the MEO admins asking if they’d be willing to send me any toys to review on my website. I got a prompt response saying yes, and to choose my toys.

I immediately asked for the Alpha Male 3 Stimulator, which looked much like the nJoy Pure Wand, with the secret intentions of using my landlord’s industrial dremel to get a bisected view of what kind of metals were really in this thing. I also asked for their Foreskin Dildo, which had this really cool highlighter-yellow base and claimed to be silicone, which I figured I’d flame test when I got it. Basically, I wanted to science the shit out of MEO’s products. I jokingly mentioned the Garden Gnome Dildo to Wolf, the guy handling my order, with no intentions of actually wanting it. But lo and behold, MEO would rather send me a huge dildo and a ten pound ANAL GNOME and fork over international shipping fees than risk another steel toy getting into the hands of a sex toy reviewer. Something VERY suspicious about that.

The Gnome is PURE phthalates, shrink wrapped in busted plastic. My dear schoolmate is a collector of all things garden gnome related, so I’ll see if they have use for it, otherwise there have been suggestions to light it on fire. But truth be told, with all that PVC and the toxic fumes, I think that might be kind of dangerous. The thing reeks just sitting on my counter, I can’t imagine how it would be engulfed in flames. It’d probably ignite like a sterno. So unboxing this package made me uncomfortable to begin with. The lubes were gendered: PlowBoy and PlowGirl. Silicone for the boys and glycerin-free (but not glycol-free) for the girls. And pink! YAY! Fucking hell.

Part of my unboxing video. Authentic reaction of surprise and ick at the gendered lube. "…ok, why do the 'boys' get silicone?" ::smh:: pic.twitter.com/mJ1C4gZkFk

— Avery (@ThePalimpsex) November 1, 2016

The silicone dildo DID hold up to the flame test in several areas, no scorch marks, no melting, no reactions at all. It was a squishier silicone, something akin to your average Vixen silicone, and had a length and girth just a touch thicker and longer than Godemiche’s Adam. The base was an inch thick which I loved, because it meant I could get a good grip on it. I got in the mail yesterday and here we are today, my Jopen Vanity Vr6 in hand for clitoral stimulation, this PlowGirl business at the ready (this is the biggest dildo I’ve ever owned, so I figured I might as well try out the new water-based lube), and the new dildo. The dildo was amazing. I’ve realized I’m a huge fan of thick dildos. Three orgasms in under a minute without even trying…so fucking good. This has literally opened up a whole new world for me. Too bad that’s the last time I’ll ever be using it.

MEO Uncut Silicone

I got up to give them a good wash when I noticed there was a strange and gooey thickness to the bulb of my Vr6. The dildo also seemed extra sticky. That’s when it hit me. I started rubbing my fingers together. Still slick. Oh my god. The lube wasn’t water-based. IT WAS SILICONE. Maybe they mispackaged the PlowGirl with silicone lube. I began soaping up both toys under warm water, rubbing gently with my thumb as an entire layer of toy material came off the bulb of my precious Vr6. I’m freaking out. I’m not even thinking about what’s going on inside my body at this point. I’m worried about the toys. I finally get the lube off the Vr6 and hopefully that is the last of the material’s degradation on that toy. Then I start working on the MEO dildo. It is tacky as fuck. I already know this is a losing battle. No matter how much soap, gentle rubbing, harsh scrubbing, nothing is saving this dildo. The surface has become gluey. It reminds me of tar. There is no smell. It’s just ruined silicone at this point. My hands are completely sticky with whatever is coming off of the silicone. And THAT’s when it dawns on me.

Whatever my hands feel like is proooobably what my insides are feeling like right now. Jesus Christ. I waddle to the bathroom, grabbing my one and only douche I will ever use, a Yeast Gard probiotic, in a sad attempt to flush out whatever’s inside me. I use a gentle glycerin and fragrance free wipe to rub the remaining silicone lube from my outer crevices and I’m about ready to fucking cry. How could a company do this? How could I be so stupid? Why didn’t I rub the lube between my fingers first to see if it got sticky? Because I read the label. I believed the label. So now I have two ridiculously gendered bottles of silicone lube, one PRETENDING to be water-based, one ruined silicone dildo, one completely toxic “Anal Gnome” that I can imagine few people ever putting up their ass (porn stars excluded, I’ve seen a couple scenes), and a complete sense of horror as to what’s going on with my body and how careless a company could possibly be to allow this to happen.

I am literally in tears writing this. REALLY wishing I read the review by Emmeline Peaches before I used it. Now I’m wondering if it’s not a case of one mispackaged PlowGirl but rather all PlowGirl lubes that have a high concentration of silicone without it being included on the label. This is no hybrid, it’s not oil, it’s not aloe. This is straight up silicone. And it’s fucking unacceptable.

Review of Jopen’s Vanity Vr6

October 18, 2016 palimpsex geekery, relationships, review, sex toys, sexuality, storytelling, trans*

So I talk about the damn thing enough, maybe it’s time I write a review about it. I say this with the utmost affection because it is my absolute favorite toy in my entire history of sex toys, and this is saying a lot. This is coming from someone with over six years working at an adult store, buying every toy my paycheck could buy, then coming to my good senses and buying better quality toys elsewhere, and still, this is my favorite toy in the world. This is the toy that will inevitably weasel its way into other reviews, stories, even discussions of identity because it has taught me more about my body and given me more orgasms then I ever thought possible. This is the Vr6.

Vr6 — This type of silicone is particularly static-y. There WILL be dust (or lint, or cat hair, or asteroids).

Now I know there’s a Vs6 out, and the only other Vanity item I own is a 2.5 which overheats and dies after a minute (I still need to see if I can get an exchange on this from SheVibe, because it’s not a terrible mini-vibrator and I’d love to do a review on it). But I bought the Vr6 in my final years working at the adult store, so it must have been around 2010 or 2011. It just crapped out on me last year after my partner accidentally split the charging port with the needle-like charger (I love this charging method in the Vanity series for all of its waterproof-y goodness and how much it reminds me of the bioports from ExistenZ [don’t look that up if you’re easily squicked], but if you’re not precise with insertion, it can be tricky).

This photo dates back to 2010, so I must have just bought it. — This awful selfie dates back to 2010, so I must have just bought it then.

I emailed the company, told them how long I had loved this toy, and Jopen still honored my warranty, even without its packaging. Not the first time Jopen has been stellar in a Vr6 crisis, either. When I moved to Oakland in 2012, my car window got smashed with a rock and my laptop bag full of charging wires was stolen. Of all things, my Vr6 charging wire was spaghetti’d in with this mix, which meant my time with a charged battery was limited. Before the battery even died, Jopen had sent me a new charger.

I know, I know, wasn’t Jopen originally a part of California Exotics? Whatever, I honestly don’t fucking care. I did a whole presentation about this and it’s been a thorn in my ethical side for some time now, that yeah, some companies are really icky (and sometimes not so icky, CalExotics has been making a Packer Gear line, which some aspects I’m all for…though a bunch of its silicone products are foam-filled), but some companies use that association to help their business model, be it visibility, product improvement in better factories, wider clientele feedback, more money to innovate new toys, or even lowering the price-point of original products. Some companies are just utter leeches and grub onto the industry corruption and let their products go down the toilet despite a once reputable brand name. Not looking to point fingers…today.

Vr6
But Jopen has this little place in my heart, particularly with the Vr6. It was the first dual stim/rabbit-styled toy that ever worked with my anatomy (the arm fits snugly against my clit!), it taught me how to squirt, it helped me understand my g-spot better than my fingers ever did, and using it helped me reconcile some gender dysphoria I was having with my genitals for quite some time. I’m not a huge fan that the default sex toy color of our generation has gone from pink to purple, but there’s something so neon and visually assaulting about the Vr6’s purple. It’s even different from some of the other Vanity purples…it just screams “fuck me with your 90’s nostalgia” and simultaneously doesn’t show a lot of crud on it even on my most cruddy days.

It took me a long time to work up to using this thing internally when I first got it, that bulb is, as I say repeatedly in my Bingo video, “severe.” But I think it’s exactly this girth and drop-off of an internal bulb that my g-spot loves. My use of the Prism V only confirms it with each inevitable squirtfest (“Babe, if you grab that one, you either grab the puppy pads or sleep in the wet spot.”) The difference between the Prism V and the Vr6 when it comes to squirting is that I need to take the Vr6 out of me when I’m ready to squirt. The bulb is just a little too big and the neck a little too thick to let my Skene’s glands get around it. Which is totally fine, it makes for a much more dramatic projection, and with the dual stimulation of the little arm I actually get a clitoral orgasm before I ejaculate, so everything’s groovy.

Vr6

The vibration of the head is a little more rumbly than the arm, but the frequencies aren’t far off. I have two Vr6’s (don’t ask how I got that lucky), and I have noticed that both of them have a point of vibrational dissonance if you get to a certain speed with each button. As with most Vanity products, you simply hold down the button to get stronger vibrations, but I’ve noticed that if I have one exact strength of vibration in the arm and the head, the two seem to bounce off each other and it makes a weird rattly noise. I don’t remember this ever happening in my original Vr6 from 2010, but the two new ones do it…so maybe it’s just how they are manufactured these days. It doesn’t really affect me, but it might suck for anyone who gets off with those particular strengths and has to deal with a really loud vibrator with out-of-sync vibrations. Normally this thing is so quiet. Like, I have to put it up to my ear to see when the battery is dying, and I can listen to the hum get slightly weaker. THAT quiet. And when you consider how strong the vibrations are, phoo.

Now, the Vr6 isn’t completely silicone. It’s got a silicone skin, but has a ton of machinery inside (don’t boil it), including a lithium ion battery. It holds a charge for what feels like days. I can go on hour marathons with this, no problem. The silicone material itself has some drag to it, not in a sticky way, it’s really sort of a silky texture, actually, but if you were to take this to a delicate area of skin without lube and pull it along, it would move the skin with it. This isn’t really a problem when I’m just using the bulb for external clitoral stimulation, as the bulb is just big enough to hit all my favorite parts of my crura if keep it in one spot, but I definitely need lube if I’m going to put it inside me. I’ve had no issues with using coconut oil with the Vr6’s silicone, but would always recommend something more universally compatible with both toys and bodies like a water-based Sliquid.

IJS — Graphic design is my passion. And grammar. Clearly.

Solo, I’ve found that using the Vr6 internally quite literally mimics the sensation of jerking off. I get to grip my hand around its base (fortunately the buttons are not so sensitive that any touch will change the speeds), and work my body into an orgasm that puts me in a really gendergooey headspace. It is so glorious, and every partner that has seen me use this toy has noted that I sometimes go into total “boy” mode, particularly if I’m on my knees using it to squirt. It’s a really empowering toy for my gender identity. Partnerwise, I’ve found that some partners either get it, or they don’t. Vulva-bearing partners could never bring me to orgasm with this toy because they didn’t fuck me roughly enough with it, didn’t push the arm up into my clit enough (especially on the left side, despite communicating this preference), or they played with the buttons too much, messing up my rhythm. To be fair I remember one of these exes not enjoying the Vr6 when I used it on them, either. Like, the grippiness of the silicone arm, regardless of lube, pushed their hood up and the vibrations were way too strong even on the lowest setting. So while it felt great for about .02 seconds, it was really irritating and frustrating for them the rest of the time. I know Lilly has a bittersweet fondness for the Vr6, where the arm was way too clampy, but the internal bulb had some really nice rumbles.

Hopefully the following description doesn’t ruin Alice in Wonderland for you.

The cismale partners that have used this on me have almost unanimously gotten it without any guidance. I even had one partner show me a whole new way of using it, by tilting the handle so far down that the bulb pushes incredibly high up into my g-spot, which I can’t do alone. My current partner likes to wiggle the arm really slightly against my clit when he feels me get hard as he’s fucking me with it, sort of a thrust-and-doorknob-turn type motion which is so fucking good and again, I do not have those motor skills to do that on my own. I’ve said in previous reviews that the curve of the neck and the size of the bulb in the Vr6 make it pretty tricky for double penetration. It just seems to take up a lot of space once inside me, and even trying double penetration with a biocock ends up being really uncomfortable and pinchy for partners. Seriously, though, if that’s the biggest complaint I have about this toy, you can see why it’s my favorite. I remember recommending it to a woman when I worked at the adult store and she was really hesitant because of the price, but a few weeks later she came back, not even to buy anything, but to emphatically thank me for convincing her to get that toy. Like, slapped her palms on the checkout counter, opened her eyes wide, and said “Oh my god, you weren’t kidding.” No ragrets.

Review of BS Atelier’s Bingo

September 15, 2016 palimpsex geekery, reflection, relationships, review, sex toys, sexuality, storytelling, trans*

The BS Bingo is a three beaded butt plug made by BS Atelier, a small toy company in Spain that makes really artistic dildos, plugs, leather harnesses, cuffs, and rope. They offer a great selection of silicone, all beautifully poured into designs that range from the splattery Noise pattern to their bovine Vaca, a cow print without being fully zoomorphic akin to what some companies do. I’ve always wanted one of BS’s products, but found their dildos to be a little on the small side when seeing them in person. When I saw their Rainbow Bobo butt plug on SheVibe, I fell in love, but wasn’t too sure of the dimensions. It looked a little too long and the diameter made me wonder if it would be too big. I skipped around and came to the Bingo in a beautiful shade of light blue with a rainbow base. The measurements sounded much more tolerable, and it turns out they were.

thepalimpsex

The Bingo is three beads versus Bobo’s four beads, and is only a little thicker than my pointer finger at its widest bead. When I first held the Bingo, I was admittedly nervous at how soft and squishy the silicone was. I’ve always loved squishy silicone for front hole penetration but didn’t have luck with anal play. When using the Vixen Tristan 1 plug, the squishiness had too much give and made the plug difficult to insert, having to guide the tip with my fingers and hold the base of the neck so it didn’t go slipping around my butthole once lubed up. I worried that it would be a similar case with the Bingo, but I was so wrong. Because the Bingo is such a modest size (for me), my ass took it in immediately. As in, my butt ate it. One bead slipped in, and where I usually have to guide a plug in (especially with beads), my butt took in the rest of the plug until the base fit snugly against me. It was so easy, so comfortable…I feel like even on my most tense days I could handle the Bingo with no problem.

thepalimpsex

The Bingo’s not huge, sure. It doesn’t give me that sensation of being totally filled up like other plugs do, especially because of the softness of it. It conforms to my ass so nicely that at times, I can barely feel it. Which is actually SUPER exciting because I think I’ve finally found a plug I can wear for long periods of time. It bends so naturally that I feel like if I were sitting and moving around in different positions, it wouldn’t be pokey or uncomfortable at all. The softness of the Bingo made it perfect for double penetration. Usually when I have a plug in and I use a dildo at the same time, the thrusting of a dildo in my front parts will make my pelvic floor ache in not-so-good ways. This is usually because of the angles or pinching of the plug against my tissue.

If this doesn’t happen, it’s usually because a plug has a gentler graduation from the insertable to the stem, but then plugs that fit this category usually end up popping out of my butt if I’m attempting double penetration. The Bingo did neither of these things. It stayed put, and it stayed squishy, accommodating all sorts of insertables from my Vr6 which has a pretty severe bulb in terms of angle, hardness, and girth, to my Raptor, which is the harder Tantus silicone and pretty fucking thick. The Bingo also stayed in during orgasm, when my muscles contract the most, so I was really happy about all of this.
fullsizerender

I find that I don’t really handle the Bingo much once it’s inside of me, whereas my partner loves using it roughly on himself. He says the softness and smaller size allow him to thrust it, bend it, whatever he wants without it being pokey on the sides of his rectum (which is often a concern for him and anal toys). It also doesn’t hit his prostate, which is a bonus, as my partner doesn’t really like prostate orgasms. It’s funny…I never told him how quickly my ass “ate” the Bingo, when one evening at work I received a picture on my phone from him subtitled “NOM NOM NOM.” Maybe it’s the candy-colored aesthetic, maybe it’s just coincidence, but I got a chuckle that both of our reactions upon first use of this toy were so similar.

Also, I guess if you’re into MLP: FiM and Rainbow Dash, this plug could be your gig. I will admit I’m super excited to bring it to my next play party to see who makes that association. Overall, I’m thrilled with this buy, and definitely recommend the Bingo to anyone who wants a gentle plug with beaded graduations.

Avery’s Anal Bead Horror Stories

August 31, 2016 palimpsex geekery, reflection, relationships, review, science!, sex toys, sexuality, storytelling, trans*, Uncategorized

Alternate title: “Inside the Buttholes of the Kitsch and Heinous”

Content advisory: Poop. So much poop. And a lot of CAPS LOCK.

I’ve been putting off writing for a little while. Life has been throwing a lot at me, what with my hands dipped in all things sexuality-related, board meetings at Masakhane, eldercare wellness-therapy groups, trying to negotiate new degree tracks at Widener, and now being offered an opportunity to speak on the politics of identity and sex toys for Widener’s CareersCon coming up in September. The semester is approaching, and I am coloring testicles furiously in an Anatomy book while watching “It’s Complicated” with Meryl Streep because that’s apparently what $1,800 costs for a class, though I will admit I am excited to have other classes with Elizabeth Schroeder and in a different class I get to profess my love for Judith Butler. Academia has its upsides and downsides.

Anal August is coming to a close and with it so are the doors of Come As You Are Co Op; life is aligning with the ebbs and flows of sexuality. After hosting a last minute poll as to what the subject nature of this post should be, it seems as though folks were interested in hearing about my horrific history with anal beads. I figured this was appropriate, given the topic of my upcoming workshop about sex toys and Formidable Femme’s most recent amazing blogpost. (Also a huge fan of this blogpost from Lilly in 2015). (And this one from Hey Epiphora!). You get the idea. My relationship with anal beads is paradigmatic of many things I find really fucking wrong with the sex toy industry, and I’m kinda glad I got to experience this learning curve in the way I did.

My first experience with any sort of butt play was at age 16 with an unlubricated attempt at my then boyfriend’s dick partially in my ass. This was followed by the “Oh my god NO, ouch, why did we do that, BAD IDEA BAD IDEA” dance/hop all around the apartment with my hands clasped around my buttcheeks. I had sworn off anal for another two years until college came when someone I started hooking up with introduced me to fingers and lube. THEN a dick. MUCH easier. MUCH more pleasurable. Particularly with a vibrator on my clit. I found that orgasming with a dick in my ass provided an incredibly intense orgasm, and decided butt play was for me.

Winter break came our freshman year and partner and I stopped by a little leather shop on Christopher Street in the village and decided to buy a black large jelly rubber butt plug which we later realized would never in a million years fit inside my ass. I ended up using it vaginally. (I know, what?)

Insert generic rubber butt plug here. Or don't, actually. — [Insert generic rubber butt plug here.] Or don’t, actually.

Years went by until I graduated college with much more knowledge in sexuality (heck, even a BA in it), began teaching sex ed for Masakhane, and started working at my local sex shop. For the next six years working at this sex shop, I used my 50% discount with reckless abandon. I bought hundreds of toys, spending each paycheck exploring the best and worst our store had to offer. And looking up at my toy shelf right now, I see all of 10 of those remaining. I’d try a toy and it’d either break, melt, I’d decide it wasn’t for me, it didn’t fit right, whatever. In retrospect, I wish I kept every single one of them because some serious science could have been done. Lilly’s Jar of Horrors? I could have made some sort of art installation! Hindsight…20/20…ableist idiom, but so true.

I finally get to meet Lilly's jar of horrors!!!

A post shared by Avery (@thepalimpsex) on Aug 6, 2016 at 1:26pm PDT

The first thing I heard about butt toys working at the store is how amazing anal beads were. “You know how good it feels taking a shit? Now imagine having an orgasm while taking a shit. Blumpkin level.” My colleagues were precious. I mean that sincerely. The honesty and crudeness of our conversations was something I still can’t have in a lot of other spheres. Even in the rest of my sexuality fields, I don’t know how comfortable I’d be casually watching porn at 9am while eating a taylor ham, egg, and cheese and commenting on the skill of a performer’s messy blowjob.

Anal beads were one of my first purchases with my newly acquired 50% discount. Not just any anal beads mind you. These. Tiny ones, green (because color was a huge factor in choice for me during my early purchase days, not material), connected with string knots, and a plastic green loop at the end. I used them twice. Once by myself, where they hurt immensely while taking them out, each knot scraping my insides, actually feeling the skin of my rectum catch in between each knot and bead as I pulled the string out of me. I used a ton of lube, but it didn’t matter. I still bled on toilet paper for two days.

The second time I used them was with my partner during sex. I asked him to pull them out of me while I was riding him on top with a bullet on my clit. As I was orgasming and he pulled them out, he yanked them way too fast, and while it felt better than the previous time, what he had hanging in his hand was mirrored by his face of horror. I didn’t need to look at either before the smell had hit me. The strand of beads were completely stained brown, each knot had caught a little bit of feces. I’m not talking a ton of poop here, but enough that by the swinging of the beads, the sweat of sex and the humidity of a Jersey summer, my boyfriend’s outstretched hand wafted the stink of shit from these beads while he looked at me asking “what do I do with these?” That ended our session pretty quickly, as I ran to the sink to scrub them out. Scrub them out. NOT throw them away! I put them in a wad of paper towels, left them in his basement to be forgotten, only so two months later his mom and little brother could find them and ask him about the plastic green bracelet behind his computer desk. Awful.

So I learned the hard way: No string, check. Bacteria, knots, pain, hard to clean, etc. Get beads that are connected, Avery! I fixed my eyes on these really funky looking beads that weren’t bead shaped at all, but rather shaped like little, fat, S‘s connected all with the same material. The same, disgusting smelling material that reeked so bad I could smell it through the packaging. It literally smelled the same as that Cherry scented dildo, minus the fruity notes. Like burnt medicine and shower curtains. All the typical phthalate signs I hadn’t learned about yet. But the texture wasn’t tacky (actually quite bumpy, which added to the disaster later on), and nowhere on the package did it say jelly, so I scooped it up. And then it scooped me up. Yes, these S-shaped nodules were absolutely perfect shit-scoopers. What I thought would stimulate my asshole upon exit and entry ended up provoking the SAME reaction in the SAME position with the SAME partner when I asked him to remove them. This strand of S‘s went even deeper into my butt, scooped out generous portions of feces per bead, and once removed I couldn’t tell what smelled more, the original material or this newer, poop-enhanced version. Not to mention the bumpy texture was a complete lube-eater, so we had a nice slathering of Santorum going on with this item as well.

The brand I bought doesn’t exist anymore, but this is what the beads were shaped like.

You’d think I’d learn. Ok, so maybe I just need ROUND anal beads. But maybe I should get graduated ones, where they get really tiny at the tip and wider at the bottom. And maybe we can make them vibrate this time! Because why not add a new variable into the mix of something already really uncertain and discouraging? But I’ll be really good about it, I’ll make sure they’re silicone this time, because when a reputable company like TOPCO says it’s silicone, it HAS to be silicone, right? The insertable bullet transmitted zero vibration throughout the beads. The handle ripped and I almost lost the entire toy inside of me. We ended up grabbing the beads by the bullet when the bullet, in all its lubed glory, popped out of the toy. So after sticking a finger in the hole where the bullet USED to be and slowly negotiating this toy out vof my rectum by holding one end of the ripped handle and keeping one finger in the bullet-hole, I was able to decide that “MAYBE I DON’T FUCKING LIKE ANAL BEADS.”

I know there are some good ones out there. Tantus makes some impressive Vibrating Progressive Beads. Fun Factory will always be famous for their Flexi Felix. But something about that sensation of shitting tiny turds I thought would feel so pleasurable a decade ago has absolutely zero appeal to me now. Don’t get me wrong. I love textured plugs. The Tantus Ripple feels absolutely amazing. I adore the Aneros Helix, even if it isn’t my current partner’s favorite. I can even handle the beaded end of the Fun Wand if I’m gentle enough. It’s just something about a loooong chain of bumps that my body can’t handle.

So there you have it. Anal bead mistakes were made. By a so-called “sexpert.” Which is why, with all the good toys out there, there are twice as many terrible ones. With even the most informed educators, we have the capacity for human error and need the space to learn and share those learning experiences (no matter how grotesquely crappy they can get). Sex-positive or not, whatever sex-positive means to you, we do stupid shit to our bodies all the time. We’re not always going to make the best decisions in life, and wisdom isn’t always a forward trajectory.

I’d like to think that my anal bead blunders are over, but I’m sure there will be a day down the road where I reflect on other practices in my sexual self-care that need improvement. I know there were moments working at the store in my later years where I had flickers of judginess at the customers who bought that string of green anal beads. I desperately tried getting my boss to take it off the shelves, but “It kept selling,” so we kept stocking it. Some days I’d do my best to offer a safer alternative. Some days I’d remember back to the moment I bought those beads. Would I really have listened if someone told me to pick something else? Probably not. My stubborn ways would have said, “No, this is cheaper, it’s my favorite color, and I don’t even know if I’m going to like it. I’m going with these.” You pick your battles and hope for the best. But that’s another story.

Review of Godemiche’s Anal Beginner Starter Pack and Adam

August 20, 2016 palimpsex geekery, relationships, review, sex toys, sexuality, storytelling, trans*

I feel like there is no possible way to review my new Godemiche “gets” without reviewing them as a trifecta of discovery. Each item opened me up to so many new and delightful sensations beyond what I ever expected. I was already excited to be buying from an artisanal company, and I knew despite the better deals on shipping I could get by purchasing their products from SheVibe or Early2Bed, I was willing to spend a little extra on international shipping to get a more customized product.

The Anal Beginners Starter Pack
I’d been on Godemiche’s subscription list for some time and following them on Twitter. I’d seen some of their earlier incarnations of the Adam-QUBE filled with colorful chunks of neon silicone and their most recent take on literally “fucking capitalism” by embedding your own money in a dildo. It always reminded me of those Pleaser Heels we used to sell at the adult store that let you put your cash tips in the soles, which I thought were amazing. Godemiche has been so creative with their work and I’ve loved seeing them interact with customers and folks in general, so it was just a matter of time before I found something I really wanted.

When their Anal Beginners Starter Pack went on sale and one of the color options was that incredible gold in the Adam, I HAD to buy it. My primary partner is a gender non-conforming but publicly cis-presenting male and we have a really wonderful relationship playing with our gender roles in the bedroom. All genderfuckery aside, anal and blowjobs are two of our favorite activities, and while my Shilo (which I wholly identify as my dick, beyond any of the other dildos I own), is fine for his mouth, it, as well as all of the other dildos we’ve tried, just hasn’t been the right fit for pegging. Some are either too firm, too deep, have too much of a curve, etc.

The closest one we’ve ever liked has been a “Platinum Silicone” dildo by Doc Johnson called “The Only” which has since been discontinued, but looks very similar to Blush’s Temptasia. So when we saw this beginner’s kit that had a dildo and a plug, I was sold. When I also saw that Godemiche sometimes holds specials for subscribers where you can buy products in limited color batches at discounted prices, I immediately scooped up an Adam in a grayish silver swirl.

What arrived in the mail completely blew my mind in size and proportion. The Adam was huge, so much bigger than I expected. And the butt plug was so tiny! But the matching gold dildo, which I’ve affectionately dubbed “Goldfinger,” (Godemiche already calls the gold version of their Adam the “Gold Member,” so I found this to be fitting) looked like my baby bear of the bunch; it appeared to be just right. Little did I know, they were alllll just right.

Like, Godemiche must have put a lot of thought into the sizing of these because they were so perfect for my parts. The plug, where I worried it would pop out immediately, slid in comfortably and stayed put the entire time. The legs of it fit so comfortably against my perineum that they stimulated me but at the same time were barely noticeable. And the stiffness and thickness of the silicone reassured me that the flared legs were not going to bend, that no amount of clenching during orgasm was going to suck this plug inside of me or push it out. It was right where it needed to be and the exact size it needed to be.

Plug-B Beginner's Anal Butt Plug

In fact, starting with the plug made it a great icebreaker for the next step to the Goldfinger. After taking the plug out, the Goldfinger slid right in, and easily so. Its silicone is still the same firmness, but because it is so thin, it has nice bend, and the little ridges offer it a flexibility (think of a bendy straw) as well as some added texture around my anus as I pull it in and out. I was initially dubious about these ridges, but they are subtle enough that they provide some really nice stimulation. I found myself only inserting this dildo a little past the ridges and then pulling it out, but because of the thinness and the ease of its glide, I could give myself a really rigorous fucking without any discomfort. It also left plenty of grip at the base for my hand.

Thats the other thing I love about this dildo. The base is nice and thick. It fits nicely into a smaller o-ring, and is totally strap-on compatible for pegging. My partner is in love with it. We typically prepare for toys by using a finger or two, but given that this toy is roughly the size of my middle finger, plus a few inches, it wasn’t necessary. And the depth was perfect too! He enjoyed the ridges, and the flexibility of it allowed me to change positions while inside him without being too rough against his prostate.

The Peg Pearlescent Gold

We didn’t even need to use our Liberator Jaz, which we usually do, in order to get his butt high enough in the air, and doggy style was much easier because he could arch his back comfortably without me poking his insides with something too thick. We finally found the perfect pegging dildo for him, which makes us super happy. As far as an anal dildo for solo play, he said it’s a little on the thin side, as when he plays alone he likes something thicker as he can relax more and take things slower, but for partnered fucking, the Goldfinger was fucking aces.

This is also a dildo that might be more comfortable for folks with vulvodynia, vaginismus, transmen and transwomen who otherwise find larger diameter dildos to be uncomfortable, or just anyone who is like “Jesus Fucking Christ no, that is too big, just NO.” Also, because dildos aren’t always about shoving them into holes, Goldfinger here offers a lot of versatility for other play that may not be possible if you have a huge hunk of dick swinging around in a cumbersome or awkward manner.

Speaking of huge hunks of dick…the Adam. I’ve got to find a different name for the Adam. I have way too many friends named Adam. And a brother-in-law. It just…it just doesn’t work. But yes, this dildo is of Biblical proportion size. I’m not talking a Raptor XL or anything near Bad Dragon levels, though given the firmness of Godemiche’s silicone, particularly in this pour (which is an amazing pour, Godemiche really knows what they’re doing with their marbling), the Adam’s aftermath is mammoth.

The Adam

What makes the dildo more impressive (even in the etymological sense of the word “impression”), is the space between the glans and where the foreskin hypothetically pulls back. It’s not actually a squishy, retractable foreskin. This is a molded, hard, silicone foreskin that pops against my g-spot every time I can barely manage to pull the Adam out of me. It feels amazing, but I find myself not really wanting to pull the Adam out of me. When I have it in my front bits, I want every inch of it in me, stretching me out, filling me up.

This is my Gunmetal Goliath. This is my Monument of Mons. When I fuck the Adam, the Adam fucks me. It is huge, it is dense, it is severe in its edges, and it makes me come on an average of 30 seconds if I add vibration. I’m not kidding. I’ve tried the Adam ten times already. I had one outlier of a two minute orgasm and that was because my coconut oil lube dispenser was too far out of reach. (Though I do really appreciate the free bottle of Give Lube Silicone + they included with my order, and according to FAQ’s this silicone lube will not deteriorate the silicone in Godemiche’s creations).

The Adam Base Detail

Between my graduations from the Mikey O2 to the Raptor to the Adam, I am realizing how much of a girth slut I have become with my dildos. I love my G-spot vibrators, don’t get me wrong. But if I’m going to have a dildo, I want it thick, and Adam is my new go-to for a good stretch. My only critique, and this is barely even a critique because I am fucking greedy and I don’t think I’d even use this dildo on anyone but myself, is that the base of the Adam, in comparison to the shaft’s chunky glory, is actually a little flimsy. There’s not much to grab onto and given how much lube I need to work this dildo, I find my fingers slipping around it, trying to pinch on to a half inch of flare when I really want to push the dildo inside of me. It kind of hinders my thrusting pattern when I fumble for a grip, so if Godemiche could either lengthen their flare or thicken it a little, I think the Adam would have a better balance.

All in all, between the Anal Beginners Kit and the Adam, the functionality, the artistry, and the versatility of the products, I am beyond impressed with Godemiche’s quality and will definitely continue to buy from them in the future. They now have the Ambit, a curved dildo that looks like heaven. I feel like there are too many religious references in this review…I maybe put a little too much GOD in the Godemiche. Orgasms do weird things to me sometimes. Anyway…

Review of Vixen’s Tristan 1

July 24, 2016 palimpsex geekery, music, relationships, review, sex toys, sexuality, storytelling, trans*

I don’t know what it is about ass talk that makes me either smother it with puns or anthropomorphize all things butt-related. I’ve never been the kid who drew dick graffiti (ok maybe sometimes) or called someone a pussy…my lexicon has always been oriented towards the posterior. I guess I’m just an ass man. Or an asshole. Or just an ass, in general. I still remember having to sing alto in sixth grade Chorale for “Tomorrow Shall Be My Dancing Day,” and NEVER being able to make it through the lyric, “Between an ox and a silly poor ass” without losing my shit. That horrible commercial where the guy accidentally calls his interviewer “Dumbass” when his name is actually “Mr. Dumas?” Unforgettable. So yeah, it’s really hard for me to write any review about anal toys, any blog post about anal health, or any commentary on anal sex without getting a little ridiculous. Sorry, but also, maybe a little not sorry? Anyway…

The Vixen Tristan 1 has been in my anal toy repertoire since its days known only as the Tristan, before the Tristan 2 came to be. Given that the Tristan 2 is a little more short and stout when the Tristan 1 is already too girthy and not long enough for me, I don’t think I’ll be buying the Tristan 2 anytime soon, but more on that later. I initially bought the Tristan 1 because it checked off several points of interest for me in a butt plug. It had a seemingly reasonably long shaft, a flanged (flared) base that was meant to fit between buttcheeks comfortably so I could potentially walk around with it or have double penetrative sex more easily with it, it was tauted to stay put and not “pop out,” it was silicone and black, a color I like for anal toys because it doesn’t show any santorum-y goodness after a rough go, and it was named and endorsed by Tristan Taormino herself.

Working in a porn store for 8 plus years, Tristan had become my go-to educator and filmmaker when customers asked me about trying anal sex, comparing it to what they had seen in hardcore porn like Evil Angel’s Anal Acrobats and the like. Don’t get me wrong, I have a serious respect for stars like Proxy Paige and HotKinkyJo who can stretch their anuses with supernatural ability, but Tristan gave a really casual accessibility to education through porn using actual porn stars to demonstrate a less intimidating approach to anal. It’s still mindblowing to look back to the books and films and think they were made from ten to sixteen years ago. What she did was absolutely groundbreaking then, and she continues to work her ass off to this day, educating and promoting sexuality awareness and positivity. I’ll be attending the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit come August, and can’t wait to see her there.

I don’t usually spend a lot of time discussing packaging, but Vixen’s packaging of the Tristan was amazing. It came in this clear plastic cylindrical tub (a photo from Smitten Kitten’s website that gives you an idea) that was perfect for storage. If I didn’t want to display my Tristan on my toy shelf, I would definitely have kept it in here, and I hung onto this container for quite some time, trying to figure out some other use for it because it was just that cool. I can understand why the Tristan comes with this container, though, as the Vixen silicone used to make it is an absolute lint magnet. Granted, most silicone tends to attract lint and dust…my traditional Tantus silicone will snag a cat hair mid air from almost four inches away, but the Tristan, put on the bottom shelf of my toy rack after a wash and dry, will be covered in dust in less than a day. This is definitely an anal toy you are going to need to rinse off before usage each time, or at least have baby wipes handy.

The material is SO squishy. I had felt Vixskin in my partner’s neon green Mustang they affectionately named “Patient Zero,” but the squish and give of the Tristan, even with a solid inner core, made it really difficult to insert, especially when lubed up. It has a very rounded head with only a slightly pointed tip, so my ass is very hesitant to take it and I can’t really apply firm pressure to squeeze it inside of me without the neck of the toy bending and slipping the bulb out of place. With enough breathing and a vibrator on my clit, more often than not I am able to get the Tristan inside of me, and it is THEN that the softness of the silicone feels amazing. The clenching of my sphincter makes the silicone conform nicely to my insides and it’s super comfortable. This feeling usually doesn’t last very long, however, as when I use a vibrator and bring myself to orgasm, the way my bits swell does not work together with how the bulb rests inside of me. It’s almost like it’s too short, like if the bulb were just a half inch higher, my ass would have something more to grab onto while everything swelled and contracted during orgasm and it wouldn’t feel so achy and painful.

And while Tristan’s right, it doesn’t pop out during orgasm or contractions the way a lot of my other butt toys have, this one goes flying when I am double penetrating myself with something else. Even the slimmest and softest of dildos will make the Tristan immediately slip out of me when I insert them vaginally. I do love how the cut of the base fits between my butt cheeks, but conversely, it does mean this is less material to grab onto if I want to wiggle the butt plug slightly in and out of me while I hold a vibe on my clit. And given that the Vixen silicone is so soft to begin with, I can’t really get much of a grip on the flange to work the butt plug, so the Tristan really is just one of those plugs that has to stay put once it’s in me.

Vixen Tristan 1 Butt Plug in a Dunkin Donuts Coffee Mug

I feel like if they made a Tristan 3 with a longer neck, more of a taper to the head, and more of a severe graduation from the bulb to the neck so it truly stays put during things like double penetration, I’d have a new favorite butt plug. But for now, the Tristan takes a little too much work to make it worth it for me.

I will say, though, that the Tristan stretched me out just enough to take my Shilo really comfortably tonight, and although my primary partner didn’t enjoy the Shilo for pegging his butthole, I am telling you, that toy is amazing in my ass. Like holy shit, I have a dick in my ass (technically my dick in my ass, which is even hotter). If my boyfriend took his dick out of my ass and put the Shilo in already warmed up, I swear to Bowie I wouldn’t know the difference. I was so fucking impressed. So while the Tristan may not be my favorite anal toy, I may have just now found my new favorite pegging toy. So thanks Tristan. I couldn’t have discovered this without you! <3

Review of Tantus’s Echo Handle

July 14, 2016 palimpsex geekery, relationships, review, sex toys, sexuality, storytelling

The Tantus Echo Handle is a manifold experience that begs lots of explanation on my part. I’ve been putting off this review for several reasons. One, because I’ve been really enjoying my repeated trials of the toy and have found new things I like about it during each use, two, because the overall process of acquiring this toy was a bit of a bear and I wanted to find a useful way to incorporate it into my blog.

Tantus Echo Handle

I bought the Echo Handle as a grab bag item which was part of an additional Tantus promotion on their website. Word to the wise: follow Tantus’s social media, because they very frequently have awesome sales going on. The “grab bag” option, though, is an ongoing deal Tantus offers where they use whatever leftover silicone from previous toy pours to make toys in random colors. This provides less picky customers with an affordable product. I thought I was one of those “less picky” customers. I thought there was no possible color that a random color option could go wrong. Clear, brown, red…a swirly mess resembling a tutti frutti jellybean, whatever, I thought I would be happy with it. Especially when I had seen the Echo Handle grab bag item my fellow Business of Blogging classmate received as part of our class review assignment. It seemed as though several reviewers had gotten awesome color combinations in their grab bags (just Google “Echo Handle” and “grab bag” and you’ll see what I mean), so I was super hopeful for something awesome.

What came in the mail was a paler version of the slime from Ghostbusters 2, almost fleshy but too translucent to convince myself it was a realistic dil like my other Tantus favorites, the Mikey O2 and the Vamp. I was already a bit sour after Tantus didn’t honor my promotional discount I tried to use via Dangerous Lilly’s website after I hastily clicked “submit” on my order, despite their not shipping or fulfilling the order until a full two weeks later (and adding insult to injury, making the order ship later than Tantus’s usual delivery dates). I didn’t get to take my Echo Handle on vacation, and when I got home, I returned to see a really basic colored dildo with imperfections galore: excess silicone that needed cutting at the base of the handle, weird smudges that looked like fingerprints where shine should have been, and the grossest part was a fleck of black mystery material embedded in the silicone itself. After stewing over it on social media, I decided to be a bit more mature and give Tantus the credit they are due as a reputable and responsive company and contacted them regarding my disappointment with the order. I figured that even if I didn’t get a refund, an exchange, or anything of the like, it would open up some sort of dialogue with the company regarding this outlier in grab bag quality.

Black Inclusion in Tantus Toy — Featuring the mystery fleck, ~2mm under the silicone surface.

Tantus’s customer service response was exemplary. With true professionalism and empathy, Kimberly (their Customer Service Representative) apologized for each complaint I offered (which I did so in much more constructive terms than the ranty tantrums provided above), and two weeks later I had a new Echo Handle shipped to me free of charge. Kimberly promised Tantus would ensure they would use colors marbled from a vibrant pour, and I got a rich dark chocolate brown fading into black mixed with a pinkish red. The thing looks like a cross between a truffle and some sort of wooden staff. It is absolutely gorgeous and truly unique. I’ve seen a lot of pinks and blues and greens and yellows, but never a color combination as nuanced as this. Tantus really seemed to have put a lot of thought into this pour. And for someone like me who is so obsessed with the aesthetics of sex toys, particularly when the Echo Handle is already such a visually unique item, the new colors I received complimented the shape of it perfectly.

Tantus Echo Handle

Now, onto the functionality and feel of it all. The Echo Handle is a solid toy. Not solid as in firm, although the toy offers Tantus’s traditional firmness of the silicone you might find in the Vamp or other basic models, but solid as in a structurally sound, well thought out piece. It has flop, which is sort of part and parcel to the physics of having an 11 inch long toy (7 inches insertable) molded with a grippable handle that allows you to whip it around like Ivy’s snake sword from Soulcalibur. The texture of the handle is subtle but genius, tiny pits mixed with the actual divots molded for your fingers keep the handle from getting slippery with lube. It’s so deliberately brilliant, because think about it, if Tantus just made the handle matte in contrast to the rest of the Echo’s shine, it would still get slimy with lube and lose grip. The pitted surface makes for a perfect texture combined with the finger moldings.

Handle of the Tantus Echo Handle

The space between the handle and the dildo itself is also relatively bendy, allowing me to reposition my usage without pushing the dildo into any uncomfortable angles while it’s already inside of me. This flexibility is wonderful for my partner when he fucks me with it, as he can adjust his body for comfort while he penetrates me with the Echo Handle and it doesn’t make it pop out of me. And the insertable part? Oh my god. I’ve never been a huge fan of textured dildos aside from a bent or bulged tip, but these repeated ridges are fucking glorious. Every single thrust is a new opportunity for g-spot stimulation. The girth combined with the ridges and generous length stimulates my vaginal opening…you know that feeling you get right as something’s being pushed inside you? Right before you get to the pressure of the fullness? Yeah, somehow the Echo gives you THAT sensation combined WITH the fullness and my brain can’t understand it.

It just feels delicious, and the simplicity of achieving that sensation with the handle makes this all so accessible. It makes the thrusting and the grip so easy. It makes me come almost too fast, and I love that my fingers don’t have to cramp up forming a death claw around a flimsy base on a short dildo. Cleanup is boil, bleach, top-rack dishwasher, towel dry, or swing around water droplets at your partner screaming “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU” to terrify them, whatever. The Echo Handle can also stand up on its own if you balance it verrrrry delicately and no strong winds blow by. All in all I am really pleased with the Echo Handle’s design, and if you truly don’t care about the color (look deep into your heart, because I thought I was among that population once), the grab bag is a wonderful option to get your hands on a great toy at an unbeatable price point.

Now the gods grew quite scared of our strength and defiance…

July 6, 2016 palimpsex geekery, introduction, reflection, relationships, science!, sex toys, sexuality, storytelling, trans*

and Thor said, “I’m gonna kill ’em all with my hammer, like I killed the giants.”

As part of our Business of Blogging course with Epiphora and JoEllen Notte (The Redhead Bedhead) this past spring, my fellow bloggers and I were given the task of coming up with an origin story…something that encapsulated our desires to blog about sex, sexuality, identity, toys, and all the other delightful things we write about on a regular basis. I loved this assignment so much; it gave each member of our cohort such unique opportunities to express our backgrounds in so many different formats. It was a delightful way to learn about each other and I had tons of fun writing it. So here it is, in all its unedited glory:

The concept of an “Origin Story” has put Hedwig and the Angry Inch’s “Origin of Love” in my head on a loop all week with the simultaneous imagery of Weapon X from the Marvel universe (Uncanny X-men story arc ALWAYS). And I’ve sort of been traversing head and heart for my story. Do I illustrate a mosaic of snapshots from my life with a lens covered in more vaseline than RuPaul’s Drag Race seasons 1 and 2? Do I pick one cathartic moment and deconstruct that in order to respect its own value as life is full of origin stories? And then I realized my “Origin Story” had been staring me in the face the whole time. Hedwig and X-men. So what’s the connection to blogging, toys, my passions for sex education, sexual self-discovery and exploration?

First of all, I had discovered both Hedwig and the Angry Inch and X-men comics at hugely transformative stages of my life. I was around 7 years old when X-men entered my life. It was one of the first cartoons I ever really engaged with, the first arcade game I punched rolls of quarters into, the first comic series I began reading, and Goddess help me, when that 1994 Fleer Trading Card Series came out, the first thing I had ever began collecting feverishly (I still have every card, mint condition, in a plastic binder on my bookshelf).

I understood the higher value of the foil cards that shimmered with their metallic colors, the importance of collecting every card for the triptych stories in order to get the full picture, and I also loved talking about collecting these cards with other kids. It reminds me a lot of my sex toy collecting now. Between my highest quality “gets,” to fawning over other collectors’ toy displays, to wishing for those “rares” that were in such limited production that even if I didn’t want them, I NEEDED them, my appreciation for the different artists and aesthetics in the ’94 Fleer Set was really precocious for a 9 year old kid.

The characters in X-men have also been an evolving (see what I did there?) inspiration throughout my life. As a child, I dressed up as Storm for Halloween one year and Jubilee the next. In my preteen years, X-men gave me an immense respect for powerful women, but simultaneously allowed me to eroticize them, as my first fantasies as a kid were Psylocke and Polaris. Purple and green is still my favorite color combination, go figure. As I got older, and began to understand the political context behind X-men as mutant “others” and my own morphing (again, X-men puns) LGBTQ identity, I saw these characters less as fictional impossibilities and more as realistic role models than most celebrities in early 2000’s culture.

When the live action movies began coming out, I sort of twinged at their “artistic license” with the canon, but was really excited that they were getting more people interested in X-men…people that previously may not have considered themselves “comic folk” or “superhero affiliated.” It’s sort of like how Sex and the City and Fifty Shades of Grey are all types of frustrating and problematic as introductions to sex toys, but they create dialogue among audiences that might never have happened, and that is something of merit. I was also really jazzed that Bryan Singer, one of the directors for several of the movies, was openly bisexual until I heard about all the cases of sexual abuse filed against him. My heart dropped. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, it created a lot of conflict as to whether I wanted to continue supporting X-men films, where that would compromise my ethics, or if it might trigger me along the way.

I liken this a lot to my immediate knee-jerk reactions to companies like JimmyJane affiliating themselves with larger, “morally corrupt” corporations like Pipedream or concurrently wondering why She-Vibe continues to stock JimmyJane products. I see that when inserting my own personal narrative into someone else’s decisions without understanding the individual perspectives of everyone involved, it is really difficult to control my emotional reactions. I couldn’t rationalize any positives in the X-men films, for example, Anna Paquin, who is also openly bisexual and a proactive figure within several advocacy groups, and I was quick to write off an X-men movie if Bryan Singer had any affiliation with it. So this is definitely an ongoing battle of mediating my own impulse to “throw the baby out with the bathwater,” which is something that will require extensive work if my blogging aims to explore sociopolitical subtexts behind the production and promotion of sex toys.

Yup. This was a thing. This was absolutely a thing.

Where the X-men had jumpstarted my sexual exploration in childhood and LGBTQ affiliations in teen years, Hedwig and the Angry inch engaged my sensitivity to self in terms of love, mental well-being, and using my “rebel roots” to connect with people instead of isolating. My early angsty teens were fueled by punk rock, Ani Difranco, and a complete transformation into masculine-leaning androgyny. I hadn’t begun identifying as genderqueer, but after seeing Hedwig in my best friend’s living room my sophomore year, I learned that just like my fluid understandings of gender, my ideas of appearing “hard” and “soft” to people were equally blurry. It became the pitch for my sex education from undergrad onward: because I looked “alternative,” I was actually “accessible.” People would understand that I wasn’t judging them because I was probably always being judged. Hedwig taught me to embrace my vulnerabilities in praxis, that I’m not going to get anywhere in life without taking risks, and that mistakes are a part of the process.

But most of all, Hedwig taught me love in a profound way. I learned about love as a spiritual process, love as a means of connecting to people, love as a foundation for creation, love as the element that runs through everything we do as humans. And today, it still holds true. Every paper I have written, every thesis, practicum, or capstone I have ever worked on has emphasized the importance of love in your work. It is the great equalizer in that it is indefinable and yet always felt in some form. I use love in how I teach students, how I work with clients in therapy, I am using love right now in how I write this entry. It is nebulous, explosive of time and space, heady yet simple, spectral beyond anything narrowed down to a “concept.” I still write anonymous letters to randomized addresses I find from whitepages.com telling people “I have no idea who you are, but you are beautiful and I love you.” It’s worth doing. Love makes this all worth doing.

https://www.instagram.com/p/5isfZIMtTm/?taken-by=thepalimpsex

Reflecting on X-men and Hedwig and the Angry Inch, I think not only of Stan Lee and John Cameron Mitchell, but everyone else that has had input in the creation and writing of these stories. These stories are rich with value, complexity in symbolism that are universal enough that almost anyone can connect with them, but nuanced enough that they are not two-dimensional and individuals can take away different messages. These writers are absolutely brilliant at their craft and it takes a network of support and years of effort to achieve such excellence. But they are also unique as human beings, they had their own “Origin Stories” to bring them to writing.

Everyone has an origin story, if not one, than many, or even infinite. Some may say every moment is a new opportunity for an origin story. I am curious to hear yours, if you’d be willing to share. If you click on this entry, it will take you to the post where you can add your comments, or you can email me.

With love,

Avery

Review of The PicoBong Transformer

June 25, 2016 palimpsex review, sex toys, sexuality, storytelling

I was ridiculously excited to receive the Pico Bong Transformer for review from my dear friend and Widener cohort, Carli Blau. It’s a versatile vibrator marketed as couples-friendly and gender neutral. I dig the hell out of their manifesto and love what they are going for (and the artwork, too). There are no overtly phallic shapes to it or one recommended way to use it. Your imagination is really the limit. This is all very ideal, but the structure and firmness of the toy doesn’t really allow for what one might envision it is capable of. For example, one of PicoBong’s suggestions was twisting the toy twice and using it as a multipoint, “rabbit-style” vibrator, and although it looked great in theory, it was totally pinchy with the wrong angles of stimulation.

I love that it’s a completely different aesthetic than most of the couple’s/double-sided type toys I’m familiar with. Most double-sided toys these days either take on a phallic shape or have a g-spot/p-spot end ala the Nexus, Share, or Feeldoe, which is sometimes just too mashy on my bits or my kegels just don’t feel like being grabby. I’ve always liked the fantasy of a double-sided dildo where I could have some distance from my partner for a different view, and the stem length of the Transformer is perfect for this. The extended length is also great for different kinds of bodies and different positions. Its pliability is amazing…super flexible but holds its form easily. I also love how great the Transformer is in addressing disabilities, between the graspable bulbs, the reach of the stem, and how it can bend.

PicoBong Transformer Chair

From stem to bulb, the graduation is a bit too severe for my liking. It’s fine on the insert, but on the removal from full insertion, my partner and I can definitely feel a slight snag. The bulb size is moderate which makes it great for people who aren’t fans of big butt stuff. This toy doesn’t have a flared base, so if you have a greedy asshole, it could feasibly get all the way up there, but if that’s really a concern, bend the bottom part into an L-shape (I assure you, the stem is pretty stiff and it will more than likely make the toy anal-safe). I knew this was going to be an anal toy, between the shape of each end and the vibrations. The vibrations are definitely buzzy, not deep, which is a minus for my clit stimulation. It definitely doesn’t resonate into the crura. But in the butt and against the prostate the vibrations and their various modes feel wonderful.

PicoBong Transformer in a Tree

If only we had a way to control the modes once they were in our butts! Jesus, Pico Bong, the BUTTONS! I’m glad Pico Bong has changed their models from yesteryears and taken the + and – out of the actual letters, but they seriously couldn’t raise them a little for visibility and tactile sake? They are almost impossible to see even in the brightest of light because of the toy’s neon yellow color (which I love, by the way). And they’re on the fucking bulb that’s supposed to go inside one of you, so you had better be certain what strength vibration or mode you like, otherwise you’re going to be taking it out to fiddle with some slimy, barely visible buttons (sorry, my sphincter is not that talented). Why didn’t they put them on the stem? Not to mention the mode has to get hit over and over until you cycle back to what you like, one of my least favorite things about some vibrators.

PicoBong Transformer Charging Port

The weight of the toy feels good: it’s not cheap feeling, but doesn’t hang out of your asshole like an Njoy wand, which normally I wouldn’t mind, except when you’re sharing it with someone, you want the thing to stay somewhat lifted. Which brings me to the sharing bit. Silicone makes this thing easy to clean, not boilable of course due to the mechanics inside, but considering I’ve designated this a “butts-only” toy for my primary partner and I, I think a mild bleach solution or antibacterial soap will do just fine. The charging port irks me a little. It’s a flimsy silicone flap and I get the feeling it will not last long. It’s also on one of the bulbs, not the stem, so whoever gets the end with the port has the extra risk of the flap nicking the inside of them if it flips up. It’s just more edges for bacteria to get in, really. I wish it was one of those tiny holes that the Jopen Vanity line has. The toy comes with a USB charger but no port to plug it into. But on the plus side, a one year warranty is always nice. All in all, I applaud Pico Bong for what they are trying to do. The Transformer is a frontrunner of creativity and is, for the most part, a structurally sound item. It doesn’t completely succeed in its aim, but it certainly sets the bar and I hope they continue to improve on the model as time and feedback progresses, because it is really is one of a kind.

Review of The L’amourose Prism V

June 17, 2016 palimpsex geekery, review, sex toys, sexuality, storytelling

So I’ve had this L’amourose Prism V for over 3 months now. I got a great deal on it from SheVibe, and after hearing that it had similar deep and resonant rumbling vibrations to the Jopen Vanity Vr6, I had to try it. After all, there were days where I would use the Vr6’s G-spot stimulating end externally when I wanted broad clitoral stimulation. For me, clitoral orgasms are a lot like Choco Liebniz cookies. The first one is good, the second one is usually even better, and after that I just keep at it until I’ve fulfilled some ritualistic process.

What shocked me was how much I love the patterns the Prism V offers. I have never been a “pattern person” (imagine my disappointment after buying the tech-heavy Minna Ola only to discover I just wanted to constantly squeeze it), but the buildup in the Prism’s first pattern and the randomness that teases me in its final pattern have brought me to some really unexpected orgasms. And the best kind of clitoral orgasm for me is brought on by a vibration I can feel throughout the entire nether. Wands tend to have too much strength and the heads are a little too broad, plus the concept that they vibrate so hard I can feel the wavelengths in my femoral artery kind of freaks me out. Rounded, more nestled vibrations in a head about two to three fingers wide give just the right amount of pressure and distribution. Which is something the Prism delivers with mystifying elegance.

Prism V Vibrator — The Sunset Red during my vacation sunset.

The bulbed curve of the G-spot head is not a perfectly smooth bulb…it has edges, not sharp ones though. The underside of the bulb has just enough of a lip to remind my G-Spot that, along with the acute bend and virtually no give (this is not a squishy toy by any means), the Prism V is going to give me the rigorous stimulation I need for optimal penetrative orgasms. And squirting. Oh my god this is the ideal toy for squirting. Whereas with the Vr6, I needed to pull it out right before I squirted because the insertable end blocked any release, the narrow stem of the Prism V allows me to rock the toy back and forth with an easily maneuverable handle (though some folks have said that the usability of the Rosa’s handle is better) and projectile squirt with the Prism still inside me.

So internal, external, the Prism V has been an incredible product. It has also been great to use with my partners. I love using it on my clit while another partner is penetrating me…the curve of the head and its angular proportions connecting to the handle keep it from being cumbersome during that process. It just kind of curves nicely between bodies without getting in the way. Both of my cunted-companions who swear by their Hitachis fell in love with my Prism V when I brought it over. My one partner even said it was one of the best orgasms they have ever had. ::Proceeds to brush my shoulders off:: In all seriousness, the L’amourose Prism V has been the total package for me. It has taken everything I have liked in my previous toys and finally fit all the best qualities into one.

The aesthetics of this toy have been reviewed over and over again, and rightfully so. It is a sculpted work, with a faceted base, flattened perfectly to let it stand on its own. It arches into G-spot formation at the bulb, but with a really narrow stem where each underside protrudes in an ever so slightly platysmic nature. Its a detail that has gives an organic illusion akin to something you’d see in Gaudi’s Sagrada Familia, and offers a unique contrast to the gem-like structure of the base.

What fascinates me even more are the color choices. Diverging from typical pinks and purples with names like Sunset Red, Azure Blue, and Sky Blue, the matte finish of the Prism V pops these unusual hues in such a way they bring memories of the Crayola Crayons of my childhood. The handle does have an “ar” engraved on both sides which can accrue gunk if you are not careful with cleaning. The buttons are really easy for me to use as they light up upon pushing, the plus and minus symbols are slightly raised in texture as is the mode button in the middle. I just hold the plus or push it in intervals to increase intensity and vice versa for the minus. It has a similar locking mechanism as the Vr6, where I hold the plus and minus for three seconds to lock it and the same thing to unlock it. This was particularly crucial in bringing the Prism V on vacation this week as I didn’t have to worry about it going off in my carry-on bag.

The charging port is at the base, and is a magnetic triple pronged dongle that has some good strength…it doesn’t flop off at the slightest repositioning the way the Minna Ola’s magnetic charger does. The other end is a USB plug, so if you have a laptop or a wall unit you’re good to go. Cleaning is so easy with the matte silicone material. With warm soapy water, things just come right off the Prism. I’m ridiculously excited it comes with a warranty, because I have now found my new favorite. Sorry for all the gushing. Also the puns.